I don’t know what/whom I am fighting exactly. Moreover I don’t know the key factors that are required to win the fight. After thinking hard, I think I am fighting with the life. May be I am fighting with the fate or I am fighting the person who is obstructing my progress. I am not sure and I am confused. I am not getting the help I am looking for. This can be because I don’t deserve it or I am not asking for it or I am rejecting the offered help. At this moment, I can’t say the reason exactly. The only thing I am completely desperate is winning the fight without knowing the opponent.
Looking back into the past, I have some good moments which didn’t seem good at that moment, but now I got to say that they are the best things that happened to me when compared to my current situation. I had been doing really good in my past but as a result of some wrong decisions, I think I already had faced the worst phase of my life 2 years back. I am not sure about the worst part though in my previous sentence. These wrong decisions are still haunting me and I think they will haunt me for the rest of my lifetime.
I feel like losing in my life until I grabbed a job opportunity in one of the good companies. I considered this as my first win in the recent time and I started fighting real hard to get to a good position. At one time, this looked like a gettable thing within a short span of time. Things turned around a little while back after the so called appraisal process. I feel depressed a lot when there is difference between what I expected and what is real. The thing that hurt my ego the most is the feeling that I am not worthy enough than the people who are less experienced than me and I am working better than them.
All these thoughts flood my mind whenever I am free and they depress and demotivate me. I am feeling that I am on the edge of loosing all hope what I have left with, as usual. I may have to be more optimistic now and not compare myself with others and start concentrating on the career although this is difficult to implement. After all, I think its time to start a fight with myself before resuming the fight with others and gain control over self which I lack at the moment and also gain self confidence that I can achieve greater things and strive for dedication and hard work to complete the tasks that are started and finally concentration which eases completion of tasks. This is going to be a big fight for sure and the one which I already started fighting long ago without me knowing it and it will be the best moment of my life if I win this fight.
WISH ME LUCK!!!!
